|Criticism||[will]attack[ed] characteristics of identit<y|ies>|
“behind every criticism is a wish”
|[will]assault[ed], [will]rejected[ed], [will]harm[ed]||“gentle startup”; talk about feelings using “I statements” in positive ways.|
|Contempt||[will]execute[ed] disrespect, mocking, ridicule, sarcasm, name calling, and mimicking|
“single greatest predictor of divorce”
|[will]despise[d], [will]devalue[d]||build culture of appreciation and respect; express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect.|
|Defensiveness||[will]deploy[ed] excuse and play innocent victim|
Response to stress and attack.
|[cj:[redacted]]||take responsibility for the part of the conflict|
|Stonewalling||[will]behave[ed] to withdraw, shut down, stop responding (e.g., tune out, act busy, engage in distractions, or turn away)|
Response to contempt, psychological flooding.
|[cj:[redacted]]||engage in psychological self-soothing; breaks of at least 20 minutes for physiological calming; avoid righteous indignation, innocent victimhood (i.e., rumination; engage in music, reading, exercise (help calm down).|
Bridley, L., & Lane, C. (2021). Principles of social psychology, 2nd Ed. Washington State University.
Lesitsa, E. (2013, April 24). The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Gottman.com. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/.