| Horseman | Conception(s) | Reception | Neutralizer |
|---|---|---|---|
| Criticism | [will]attack[ed] characteristics of identit<y|ies> “behind every criticism is a wish” | [will]assault[ed], [will]rejected[ed], [will]harm[ed] | “gentle startup”; talk about feelings using “I statements” in positive ways. |
| Contempt | [will]execute[ed] disrespect, mocking, ridicule, sarcasm, name calling, and mimicking “single greatest predictor of divorce” | [will]despise[d], [will]devalue[d] | build culture of appreciation and respect; express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect. |
| Defensiveness | [will]deploy[ed] excuse and play innocent victim Response to stress and attack. | [cj:[redacted]] | take responsibility for the part of the conflict |
| Stonewalling | [will]behave[ed] to withdraw, shut down, stop responding (e.g., tune out, act busy, engage in distractions, or turn away) Response to contempt, psychological flooding. | [cj:[redacted]] | engage in psychological self-soothing; breaks of at least 20 minutes for physiological calming; avoid righteous indignation, innocent victimhood (i.e., rumination; engage in music, reading, exercise (help calm down). |
References
Bridley, L., & Lane, C. (2021). Principles of social psychology, 2nd Ed. Washington State University.
Lesitsa, E. (2013, April 24). The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Gottman.com. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/.